All in Blended Families

CHANGE COMES WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Divorce, Marriage , Step Families

I've been feeling very apathetic for a number of months in case you couldn't tell from my infrequent posting.  If I had to put my finger on it, it's been the change in our family structure as of late.  Our three youngest are not quite so young anymore. Two are off at college out of state - their rooms sit dark seven days a week. Our baby of the family just turned 16 - her room sits dark except from midnight to 3 am half the week! I know change comes whether I like it or not! This time around I seem to be having a harder time accepting life has moved on.....

If times goes by in a hurry for parents who are lucky enough to raise their kids everyday for eighteen years - it's on warp speed when you only have them half the time.

WOULDN'T LIFE BE EASIER WITHOUT THE EX AROUND?

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Dealing with the Step-Mom, Ex-Spouses, Life as a Step-Mom, Step Families, Step-kids

It's a fantasy that we all at some point entertain even if we don't say it out loud - wouldn't life be better, easier if the Ex just wasn't around? No more back and forth, constant negotiation, different house rules, splitting life smack dab down the middle...... It's not that we wish for harm to fall upon the Ex - we just wish for simple, easy. But life is never simple or easy - Ex or no Ex in your life.

If we didn't have the complications of a Blended Family to contend with - there inevitably would be something equally as challenging right there to take its place. My friends with families minus the Blended seem to have just as many issues as we do - just different issues - the key word being issues. Every family has issues.

Its been years since I've been to the "What If" scenario.  So when the phone rang with news that Greta, Mom to Jax and Little Hart, had suffered a heart attack - I felt guilty for ever having entertained the thought.

THE VOICE OF MOM

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Dealing with the Step-Mom, Divorce, Life as a Step-Mom, Marriage , Step Families

Whether I'm 5 or 46 there's just sometimes when I need to hear THE VOICE OF MOM on the other end of the line. It could be that I have some fantastic news to share  - devastating news or no news at all! Mostly I take comfort in the fact that day or night I can call my Mom if I want and she'll answer! It's the same relationship I have with my daughter Elle. Five years ago - not so much! 

THE VOICE OF MOM

Immediately when I heard about the bombings in Boston - I felt a personal connection with my daughter living back East. I immediately called and texted Elle to "check in" - when she didn't pick up my heart started racing.

WHAT ABOUT MARY?

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Divorce, Ex-Spouses, Step Families

Last Fall, Little Hart came home from school - announcing in a strong, confident tone that she wanted to legally change her middle name to Mary after her deceased Grandma, Raylan's mother. Surprised, Raylan asked why she had decided on Mary? Little Hart responded that her and a friend were talking about possible middle names when he looked at her and said "What About Mary?"  

"I just knew it Dad, I want my middle name to be Mary after Grandma." While my Hubby was moved and on board with Little Hart's request - he was only half of the equation - to legally change her name, Greta would have to agree.

I WAS EXPECTING THE COPS - INSTEAD I GOT A FLOWER DELIVERY!

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Holidays, Life as a Step-Mom, Marriage , Step Families

Today is the Wednesday before Valentines Day. Like clockwork, my Valentine's Day Boycotting Hubby sends me a incredibly large, beautiful bouquet the DAY BEFORE V Day! In 14 years a flower delivery has been sent, but never and I mean NEVER arriving on Valentines Day! The card always says "I Love You" and his follow up is "Happy Whatever Day Of The Week" it happens to be - just not Happy Valentines Day.  

So while I should have expected my "unexpected" flower delivery today I wasn't really thinking about it. The door bell rang - I saw a man in black and my immediate thought was - damn it's the Cops again!  I thought my 12 day standoff had finally ended last night and yet here they were on my doorstep again. Ugh!!!

VALENTINES DAY: A REMINDER OF WHY I JUMPED INTO THE DEEP END OF THE POOL!

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Divorce

I never was a huge fan of Valentines Day before I married Raylan. So it never hurt my feelings with my Hubby's constant threats to boycott the "Hallmark Holiday."  Which would probably make you think I tend to shy away from the entire Holiday all together. Nope! As a Blended Family Parent - V DAY is a reminder of why I started this blended family journey in the first place......................

I fell in love with a boy named Raylan! Without him I would have never jumped into the deep end of the pool!

JUST SAY NO!

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Dealing with the Step-Mom, Divorce, Life as a Step-Mom

JUST SAYING NO when it doesn't work for your schedule or your emotional health is absolutley neccesary when you're a Mom and/or a Step Mom in a blended family. If you're anything like me - you may be saying YES when inside you're screaming not only NO, BUT HELL NO!  

It's a common habit for StepMom's of a blended family to do especially when you're the newbie on the block! You want to be liked, maybe even loved and you mistakenly think saying YES - being everyone's Go To Gal will you get you there, but it rarely does.

WHO'S THE BETTER MOM - MOM OR STEPMOM? ANSWER: NEITHER!

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Dealing with the Step-Mom, Divorce

When my daughter Elle was born 18 years ago, I thought no one could take care of her the way I could including my own mother! My Mom was quick to point out that well - she raised me and I survived, as well as, my three brothers - if she could raise four kids she probably could muddle through watching my baby while I took a shower! Hard to argue with that logic!

Over time you get over yourself, you still think deep down YOUR way is the one and only way, but you're willing to let the little things slide when others care for your child for that well deserved break that you needed yesterday! Still the overbearing mother instinct comes roaring back in a hurry with the introduction of a Step Mom into your child's life - no matter what their age.  

WHAT DO I HAVE IN COMMON WITH A REALITY TV STAR? TURNS OUT - QUITE A BIT!

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Life as a Step-Mom, Step-kids, Teenagers

I hate to admit it, but I've been watching Mrs. Eastwood and Company.  It started out of flat out curiosity (Dirty Harry's wife after all) and, well, my secret love/addiction to reality TV. That initial curiosity quickly turned into a real love of the show in large part because I immediately identified with Dina Eastwood.  

Dina is married to a older man with children from prior marriages/relationships. Although,  Dina is a Step Mom to six kids, with a wide age difference - her blended family and child rearing has included one of Step Daughter - Francesca - a few years older than her own daughter she shares with Clint.  

Dina and Clint have raised the two youngest girls as a family. Both Dina and Francesca are quick to point out that Francesca is close and spends time with her Mom. Right there the show had me - you can raise a close knit family and your kids can still have a healthy - positive relationship with the other parent! 

Mrs. Eastwood and Company on E!

While I identified with Dina the real connection came when she said essentially - Francesca is my Step Daughter, but feels like my daughter in every way and one of my favorite people in this world!  And there it was - I was totally hooked! I would absolutely say the exact thing about Little Hart. 

A PERFECT LOVE STORY THAT INSPIRES MY OWN

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Marriage

Today is my 12th Wedding Anniversary to Raylan - our 13th Anniversary as a Blended Family. Unlike a lot of second marriages we chose to celebrate our marriage in a fashion that mirrored one of a first marriage rather than a second or third. Our thought was - it was a celebration of our love so why should we feel ashamed that we had to travel through a number of obstacles to get here! If anything those obstacles have made our love even sweeter.

Raylan and I are celebrating our anniversary this year in Calgary, Alberta, Canada with my sister-in-law and her extended family. Calgary and our family here hold a special place in our heart - this was where we got engaged. This past week we have been reminiscing about memories we've shared these past twelve years. One of my favorite memories was when we meet my nephew Frank, my niece and their family in Italy four years ago. Our kids are close in age and share similar interests so it was a perfect fit.

Frank was born and raised in a small village in Italy, but moved to Calgary when he was a teenager. Every few years he returns home with his own family to visit his hometown. We were extremely honored when Frank invited our family to join his on the visit four years ago.

Load More