Master Blender Lisa has been Blending Her ONE with His FIVE for 18 years. With THREE Ex Spouses, THREE Step Parents and SIX kids we are living the Blended, Not Stirred dream. Is that even a thing?
If ONLY Mom and Dad had stayed married........My life would have been PERFECT! Those words rolled off the lips of my step son Chris with such ease during his five year stay in our home. His parents had divorced when he was six years old and his Mother had firmly planted in his mind that a life of perfection had been snatched from him thanks to the divorce. And you remember who wanted the divorce? Right?
Dad.
Hers, His and Ours. Perfection - Finding-Beauty-In-The-Cracks-And-Broken-Pieces
If you happened at some point to peak over at my About Master Blender page, you know that I'm kind of what you would call an exercise nut. Not in the typical sense. I mean, I really don't like to exercise, but I have subscriptions to every women's exercise magazines you can think of. I find enjoyment in reading about others who like, perhaps even love exercise. But the true reason I call myself an exercise nut, is that I love buying and wearing not just exercise clothing, but you know clothing for the "active" person.
Hers, His and Ours. How "Fake It Till You Make It Baby" mentality leads to success in a Blended Family.
When I divorced my Ex Husband 19 years ago, my Mama Bear mentality went into overdrive. I was convinced that I was the only person who could love and protect Elle. Add to that my need to prove - I'm a good Mom even if I did divorce the father of my child....... My mantra became - Cross my kid - I'll make your life a living HELL!
Divorced Mom = Mama Bear on steroids! GRRR!!!
It's not just Divorced Moms, Divorced Dad's pretty much fall into the same trap when protecting their young.
Last week Dylan Farrow set off a fire storm when she penned an open letter about the abuse she suffered at the hands of Woody Allen. Woody responded with a letter of his own defending himself. Dylan responded with her response to his response. The he said/she said brought back memories of my daughter's journey five years ago after suffering emotional and physical abuse in her Dad's home. Although, not played out in the court of public opinion - who you believe becomes an issue in any accusation of abuse. You can read about Elle's by clicking here. 
HATE ALLOW REVICTIMIZATION - HERS, HIS AND OURS
Children of divorced parents - perhaps living in one or two blended families have yet another layer of complication to navigate if abuse is suspected.
Nineteen years ago I remember sitting next to my brother Jasper's bed as he lay in the ICU. The snow was softly falling without making a sound - it was deafening silent and yet peaceful and comforting at the same time. Inside the sound of his breathing machine hissed as it pumped up and down - the only thing keeping him alive. Three weeks earlier my brother walked into the emergency room complaining he couldn't breath. He would die TWICE on the table that day. Little did we know then that his life was spared only temporarily.
What do you say to your brother knowing it will be the last words he'll ever hear from you?
I've been feeling very apathetic for a number of months in case you couldn't tell from my infrequent posting. If I had to put my finger on it, it's been the change in our family structure as of late. Our three youngest are not quite so young anymore. Two are off at college out of state - their rooms sit dark seven days a week. Our baby of the family just turned 16 - her room sits dark except from midnight to 3 am half the week! I know change comes whether I like it or not! This time around I seem to be having a harder time accepting life has moved on.....
If times goes by in a hurry for parents who are lucky enough to raise their kids everyday for eighteen years - it's on warp speed when you only have them half the time.
It's a fantasy that we all at some point entertain even if we don't say it out loud - wouldn't life be better, easier if the Ex just wasn't around? No more back and forth, constant negotiation, different house rules, splitting life smack dab down the middle...... It's not that we wish for harm to fall upon the Ex - we just wish for simple, easy. But life is never simple or easy - Ex or no Ex in your life.
If we didn't have the complications of a Blended Family to contend with - there inevitably would be something equally as challenging right there to take its place. My friends with families minus the Blended seem to have just as many issues as we do - just different issues - the key word being issues. Every family has issues.
Its been years since I've been to the "What If" scenario. So when the phone rang with news that Greta, Mom to Jax and Little Hart, had suffered a heart attack - I felt guilty for ever having entertained the thought.
Whether I'm 5 or 46 there's just sometimes when I need to hear THE VOICE OF MOM on the other end of the line. It could be that I have some fantastic news to share - devastating news or no news at all! Mostly I take comfort in the fact that day or night I can call my Mom if I want and she'll answer! It's the same relationship I have with my daughter Elle. Five years ago - not so much!
THE VOICE OF MOM
Immediately when I heard about the bombings in Boston - I felt a personal connection with my daughter living back East. I immediately called and texted Elle to "check in" - when she didn't pick up my heart started racing.
Last Fall, Little Hart came home from school - announcing in a strong, confident tone that she wanted to legally change her middle name to Mary after her deceased Grandma, Raylan's mother. Surprised, Raylan asked why she had decided on Mary? Little Hart responded that her and a friend were talking about possible middle names when he looked at her and said "What About Mary?"
"I just knew it Dad, I want my middle name to be Mary after Grandma." While my Hubby was moved and on board with Little Hart's request - he was only half of the equation - to legally change her name, Greta would have to agree.
Today is the Wednesday before Valentines Day. Like clockwork, my Valentine's Day Boycotting Hubby sends me a incredibly large, beautiful bouquet the DAY BEFORE V Day! In 14 years a flower delivery has been sent, but never and I mean NEVER arriving on Valentines Day! The card always says "I Love You" and his follow up is "Happy Whatever Day Of The Week" it happens to be - just not Happy Valentines Day.
So while I should have expected my "unexpected" flower delivery today I wasn't really thinking about it. The door bell rang - I saw a man in black and my immediate thought was - damn it's the Cops again! I thought my 12 day standoff had finally ended last night and yet here they were on my doorstep again. Ugh!!!
