I didn’t know when I held his hand for the first time, our first kiss, our first I LOVE YOU that 13 years later Raylan and I would be sharing our life together - sharing our amazing family that we created. I have been overcome with emotion as we count down the days to Jax moving into his College dorm. I realize how deeply I love Raylan – love my kids - love our Family of Five.
I remember how I felt with the countdown for the older kids leaving the nest - it couldn't come soon enough for them to be out on their own. For me it was freedom from a life of constant unhappiness. I know how it sounds to an outsider looking in. Couldn't you have tried a little a harder? Given a little more? Loved a little more? All questions I had asked myself a million times. The bottom line - they weren't interested in being apart of the new family we were creating and I was emotionally worn out trying to entice them to want to be.
As we countdown the days until Jax leaves, I know how truly blessed we have been with our Blended Family of Five. Raylan and I had help in creating our Family of Five - Jax, Elle and Little Hart played a vital role in our success. I never had to beg them be apart of our family - it just came naturally - as if that was how our life was supposed to be.
I always knew that whenever the day came for one of our three youngest kids to leave the nest it would be way to soon! There would never be a right time because every moment we had spent together as a family had seemed so right.
We’re sending our son off to a new an exciting adventure - luckily before he steps out the door, Jax is already planning his return to our Family of Five and for that I’m extremely grateful. I know that no matter how cool his outside demeanor is that our family - our home - is his safe place - his home.
We have built a deep, unconditional love with each other. The love we all share is making this whole transition very difficult. It will be even more so when we leave him in his new home and head back to ours without him. Yet I am comforted in knowing our love is the one thing that will always keep him connected to us no matter how many miles we are apart.
The love we have shared, the good times, the laughter and sometimes even the tears have bonded our Family of Five together in a way not many families ever get to experience. Life moves on and I’m so happy that I get to share the bittersweet moment with Raylan of sending our son off into the world. A child that has brought so much joy and happiness not just to Raylan's life, but mine as well.