I always chuckle a little to myself when I hear a fellow Step-Mom rave about how their husband is always very supportive of her role as a Step-Mom. When I first heard ringing endorsements from fellow Step-Mom's, I immediately panicked and thought "What the Hell is Wrong With Us? How did they get all the luck?" Then it dawned on me; no relationship is perfect, even in normal, run of the mill marriages.
Every marriage has its moments when a Signifcant Other isn't quite there the way the other partner wants, needs or wishes for. Just take a look at the thousands of self- help books out there or even the "relationship' section on MSN. No shortage of suggestions on how to improve your marriage..............
Now think about the Step-Family. Add say an ex-wife or two, an ex-husband of your own, kids from all the marriages at various ages. It's uncharted territory, that involves more than a husband and wife. Adding "Blended" to a partnerships makes "Men are Mars - Women are from Venus" seem like child's play in comparison. Reaching happiness is like a big spreadsheet with a multitude of possibilities. In a nutshell, Complicated!
So my chuckle instead of pressing the panic button is just my way of reminding myself that while other Step-Mom's may have had an easier time of blending than I have, I also know other Step-Mom's may be faced with even more challenging situations. Making light of what feels like perfection, lets me off the hook. I don't waste time in search of creating the "perfect" blended family marriage.
Saturday, Raylan and I toasted our 11th Anniversary high above Hanalei Bay as the sun set. Eleven years of imperfection ended with Raylan and I snuggling close and hoping for another 11. We've learned a lot of things along the way about ourselves and each other. Grown in ways I had never imagined. My Hubby at the beginning of my story is not the Hubby of today. And the same goes for me. We have grown through imperfection.
When I read Rob Lowe's Memoir, his statement about his wife hit home with me. I couldn't have said it more perfectly about my own Hubby:
My Favorite Face in the World,
My Favorite Soul,
My Best Friend and
My Husband Raylan
Their relationship hasn't followed what most would consider "Perfect or ideal" , but their union is now 20 years strong. So forget "Perfection" - sometimes the ride of "IMPERFECTION" is what makes the whole thing tick!