RESPECT THE BUBBLE a phrase my brother created a number of years ago when someone was invading his personal space, namely my kids! A kind way of saying - back the hell away - respect my personal space. My kids of course fell in LOVE with the phrase, using it often. Sometimes with complete seriousness and other times with alot of laughter. The phrase belonged to my kids until last week.
THE BUBBLELittle Hart mentioned her Mom (Greta) was coming by to pick her up for a few hours. Typically that means, Greta text messages Little Hart when she arrives, asking her to come out to the car. On rare occasions when she comes to the door, we invite Greta into our home while she waits for Little Hart.
On that particular evening, Raylan and I were sitting side by side in "our" spot aptly named the love seat. My legs were draped across Raylan, me and the girls were gathered round watching the bat video. Yes the bat video! Raylan had extracted the creature from our sun shade on the back of the house a few minutes earlier. All four of us were laughing hysterically, reliving the horrifying bat extraction when the doorbell rang - it was Greta.
Elle invited Greta into our home, she followed Elle back to our Family Room. Little Hart played our bat video for her Mom. Greta watched and laughed, making small talk. Little Hart went to gather her things, Elle to her room. Greta looked over at my Hubby and me cozy in our spot - Raylan can I talk to you alone?
My Hubby got up and FOLLOWED Greta to another part of MY home to have a conversation out of MY earshot. She was invited into our home as a way of inclusion and had chosen to make a point of excluding me from a conversation in MY own home. Greta didn't respect me in MY own home, but I respected her by staying in the other room.
I immediately got a pit in the bottom of my stomach that lasted until the following morning. It wasn't that Greta wanted or felt she had a right to to talk to my Hubby privately - she can do that and does do that quite often. It was the how and where she chose to have the conversation.
The next morning with the pit still firmly placed in the bottom on my stomach I said to my Hubby - "I need to share how I'm feeling with my best friend - not my Hubby - not Greta's ex-husband - my best friend. It really bothered me that Greta was welcomed into OUR home last night and made a point of excluding me from the conversation...."
Raylan said in a nutshell, he knew it was problem from the minute Greta asked to talk privately. He tried to make the conversation as quick as possible, but was bothered by it as well. Telling Raylan how I was feeling wasn't going to change what had happened nor was I expecting him to do something about it. I just needed him to hear me and understand how the situation had affected me at a very deep level.
My home is my safe place - my bubble from the outside world of my Hubby's Ex-Wives, my Ex-Husband and his Wife. I share a good part of my life with all of them; swallow a lot of dis-respect as a mom/step mom, as a wife to my Hubby and as a person.
My home, OUR home is not open to them to use however they see fit. I gave Greta respect moments after she chose not to respect me. I can't stop her from doing so in the future, but I can respond differently when a similar situation presents itself. I will kindly ask her, please RESPECT THE BUBBLE.