Hello Dahlings!

Master Blender Lisa has been Blending Her ONE with His FIVE for 18 years.  With THREE Ex Spouses, THREE Step Parents and SIX kids we have lived, loved, cried and survived major Blending. 

STEP-MOM - MOM RELATIONSHIP CONTINUES TO EVOLVE

I'm going to lunch with Greta today.  This isn't something we've done very many times over the past thirteen years.  Actually we've gone ONE TIME before today.   And there it sat all by it's lonesome until two weeks ago.

When I told Little Hart last week that Greta and I were planning to do lunch this Thursday, she got a sheepish grin on her face. I need to tell you something.  I told my Mom about your blog on Saturday, it just kind of slipped out.  She got online and read every single post.  That's probably what she wants to talk to you about.  I said it's not a secret. She called Dad (Raylan) and we've exchanged emails since. It's all good.   

Getting to this point was a little rocky for both of us.  She was shocked that I - A: Had one, B: was sharing stories featuring her in a public way. Not an unreasonable reaction.  

Initially, the long and short for me:

  • Felt like here we go again.  Calling and asking my Hubby to stop me from doing something she doesn't like.  Indirectly asking my Hubby to take her side over mine.  I want to scream!
  • Asking my Hubby not to say anything to me - Is like asking him to keep a secret from me  
  • Raylan can you break your rule and read the one post I'm upset about?  Feels like break your promise to your wife. Take my side.
  • Can't Lisa write it somewhere else? Sounds like a simple request to her - much more complicated for me

When I had the idea to start my blog, Raylan encouraged me to do it.  You need to do this thing, it would be good for you and could help other women in the process.  We  made an agreement. He wouldn't read my posts because he always tries to make everyone happy and as such would have edited my posts into sugar coated crap.  So the agreement.  

After my initial reaction of getting bent out of shape about Greta calling and her requests of my Hubby, I stopped myself from doing what I've done a million times before; get angry, obsess and stew about it.  I tell myself, deep breathe in and out.  Remember you can't change what others do, doesn't mean you have to like it, doesn't mean you have to change what your doing because of it.  In a calm manner, I ask my Hubby are you still committed to our agreement given the heat your taking. Thankfully, he did.  Reconfirmed our agreement.  

Surviving the close call with obsessing on things I cannot change - I chose to concentrate on the part I could control,  an apology.  My intent wasn't to hurt Greta, so I could honestly offer her one.  

Highlights of my initial email:

  • Subject: Apology
  • I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings with my blog. That wasn't my intent.
  • If you keep reading my blog I will probably hurt you again.
  • I know it may sound simple to ask me to write it somewhere else, but I feel like I've been putting it somewhere else for 13 long years.  Huge toll on me - little difference with others.
  • I want to continue building our friendship, our patnership as parents.  I understand if you feel you can't continue but sad it ended before it had a chance to really start.

So here's the great part!  She read my email with an "open heart" as she put it.  She listened to what I had to say and agreed to continue building our friendship. A couple of emails later we're going to lunch.  With each email I bawled like a crazy woman.  Can't really say what exactly evoked my emotions, but it felt good to release feeling that I had been unable to before.  

These past couple of weeks, I've learned that a story I thought was written in stone, wasn't.  It could be changed and is currently evolving between us. I don't know exactly where it will end up, but it has a new aspect - RESPECT.  Something we didn't have before this situation, even if we don't see eye to eye on things. We both chose to open the door.   I'm sure she still wishes I would stop writing in this public place, but understands I have reasons for wanting to share my challenges in hopes it can help someone on their own journey.  To be continued....

THE LUNCH: STEP-MOM AND MOM

LIFE AFTER DIVORCE