When I married Raylan, I felt like I had been thrown into the middle of a Pack of Wolves with only a spork (a fork and spoon's offspring) from KFC to defend myself. There I was with the pack starting to circle, showing their chops, growling.
ME (yelling) HELP - RAYLAN - HELP!
MY HUBBY (yelling from a safe distance):
Remember you CHOSE this life
I LOVE you
I CHOSE you
You're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with
I'm closer to you than I've ever been with anyone
BUT, Don't rub it in their face
I know they're very angry and they'll attack you - don't take it personal!
Can you throw me something anything to help me defend myself?
Jump in here and help ward them off?
No Babe - I don't want to hurt their feelings
I already hurt them by picking you
Can't you just concentrate on I LOVE YOU, I MARRIED YOU?
No, Not really, my arms and legs are being chewed off
My heart ripped out
My eyes gouged
It's a little hard, seriously nothing?
When the Wolves sensed that Raylan wasn't going to come to my rescue, they increased their attacks. And every time my Hubby would respond with the same lines when I cried out for help - I LOVE YOU, I MARRIED YOU......
I took the attacks because I LOVED Raylan more than defending myself. And strangely enough, their attacks only solidified my resolve that Raylan needed me. If this was their way of loving someone then he needed me more than ever. They weren't angry that I treated him poorly or was out to harm him, but rather that I LOVED him unconditionally, brought him happiness and wanted to build a new life with him!
Knowing this and handling it well are two different things. I let their behavior consume me for many years to the detriment of my marriage. I became obsessed with fixing this and it really couldn't be fixed. As time passed, I realized that even if I or Raylan had said something that their behavior wasn't going to change unless they wanted it too. Who knew when or if that would happen. The one thing I needed from Raylan and I eventually got was the release of guilt for loving me and me loving him. How was LOVE a bad thing? That gave me permission outwardly concentrate on my Hubby and the people who wanted to be apart of our new life together. Slowly over time we developed our life into something pretty amazing - a blended family and happy one at that. That said more to the wolves than any words.