Today feels like a Monday with the Holiday yesterday. I'm having a hard time getting started even with my steaming cup of tea. At least it's Tuesday and I'm posting Tidbit Tuesday on Tuesday so that's a plus this week! Yeah me!
After posting Tidbit Tuesday last week - many of the comments and conversations I had following brought up the question - Is being a Step-Mom the hardest, most challenging role I have had in my life?
My initial response was Y-E-S, hands down it's been the hardest role of my life!
As I was telling my Hubby this very thing - he said even more than being a Mom dealing with your daughter's Step-Mom? I have had some very serious issues with Malus over the past 17 years. As I took time to think about my relationships with the Step-Mom(Malus) and the Mom's(Bitty/Greta) I deal with in both roles my reaction was still a big YES! I jotted down the some of the differences. Here they are:
Some of my reasons why being a Mom and dealing with the Step-Mom to my child ranks second to being a Step-Mom:
I'm Elle's Mom - I will always be her Mom no matter what I do or say
Elle loves me unconditionally
My love for Elle is never questioned or debated based upon a decision or action I have taken.
No matter what the situation, my Hubby is in my corner to defend, comfort and hold
My Hubby will defend me tooth and nail for the wrongs he feels have been inflicted upon me
Malus(Elle's Step-Mom) has always told me directly exactly what she felt about me - never behind my back to my Hubby or Dick (the ex)
I can stand up for myself without fear of causing a problem with my Hubby- I'm always supported by my loved ones!
Some of my reasons why my role as a Step-Mom has been the hardest of my life:
My Step-kids have various feelings for me; love, like, intensely dislike
I'm only their Step-Mom as long as I stay married to their Dad
For the Step-kids who love me, they often times feel uncomfortable about openly expressing their love for fear of hurting their Mom's feelings.
How I handle a situation with one of my step-kids or offer advice about one of them are sometimes challenged by my Hubby, the Ex Wife and/or other kids about my real intentions.
My love for the kids questioned when others don't like what I am saying. Yet the question of whether the kids love me is not an issue.
Greta/Bitty(the Ex-Wives) calling Raylan directly to complain about me sometimes insisting that I behave in a certain way. In some instances implying that I have done something horrendous to one of the kids, but Greta/Bitty aren't at liberty to say because they would be breaking a child's confidence.
I'm an equal or the primary care giver when it works(ed) for Greta/Bitty. I become secondary, sometimes not even a thought when they decide to become involved simply because I didn't give birth/adopt the kids.
My Hubby always "caught in the middle", often times acting like he's Switzerland- Neutral! Not sure whose corner he's in - doesn't feel like he's in mine a fair amount of the time.
So yes - it has been by far the most challenging role of my life and continues to be. Yet, I wouldn't change it for the world! I love my Hubby and the family we have created with our kids more than words could ever express - so while it is the most challenging role - it's one that I will continue for many more years to come.
What are your thoughts? Most Challenging Role of your Life? Love to hear from you!