Last week I had a minor meltdown and then a major meltdown. First the minor. My kids are out of school for the summer. Like a lot of Mom's I don't feel like I have enough hours in the day to accomplish everything on my plate. Then to have all of my kids home during the day - has made life even more complicated.
On top of that, Jax is leaving in a few short weeks for College and has been full of compliments on how much he will miss my cooking, can I make him this, that or the other. I decided to be flattered and take it as a compliment and have been making him meals at all times of the day and night. Bad habit I know! Don't know if it's MY cooking as much as I do all the work. No matter the reason, I know I will miss these times come Fall - I jumped into becoming a short order cook for the summer.
Seeing this special treatment bestowed on Jax, my two girls jumped into the mix. It was getting a little - well a lot out of hand. The minor meltdown came when Little Hart texted and then called from the backyard (ten steps away from the house) to ask me to bring her a banana. The text ended with "thanks Jeeves (the butler)." She was just kidding of course, like we do a hundred times a day, but that day it felt like I was the hired help. Tears filled my eyes. No banana today!
Then the major meltdown. Elle has been dealing with a wide range of emotions over her Grandparents (Dick's parents) coming to town this past weekend. Last Tuesday they wanted to take Elle to see her adopted brother for the first time in two years (more of this story in a future post). She's been venting all her emotions with the meeting on me because she can't vent to the parent who caused the whole situation, Dick. Several weeks on a roller coaster of emotions for Elle.
Last Wednesday, Elle's feelings took over and she let loose on the present parent - me. When she did a tidal wave of emotions rushed over me! Two years later and I'm taking the heat for her Dad's crappy behavior. I know it's normal, but I reached my limit that Wednesday. Instead of being the strong, loving, caring Mom - I returned her emotion with emotion of my own.
Later as I was relaying the story to my Hubby, I just broke down. He gave me a huge hug and said "you're leaving a day earlier for the conference next week. Your taking some me time! For twelve years you haven't had any nor have you asked. You're always taking care of me and the kids. You're going!" If he had simply asked I probably would have talked myself out of coming up early. I didn't argue, I simply said "thank you."
Raylan talked to all three kids. Told them that Mom/Lisa is taking some ME time next week, she deserves it! Don't lay the guilt trip on her that she's doing something without you or call every two minutes. She's taking a break, this her time.
My Hubby does nice things for me all the time - spoils me rotten truth be told. So when this particular gesture more than any other over the past 12 years gave me the most happiness - I had to ask myself why?
My Hubby outwardly acknowledged how much I do for everyone in our family. Recognized that in twelve years I had never taken time just for ME. He gave me the gift of time to take care of me, recharge my batteries. So far they have been managing along just fine without Mom/Lisa. Hopefully they will be glad to see me when I return with my smile!