Jax asked if he could make me lunch. Yes! A welcome surprise. Once the grilled cheese sandwiches were cooking on the grill, Jax came into the living room - big smile on his face. "Um- other than Sadie biting the noodles - what do think about her?"
Little background. Sadie(his girlfriend) had come over to swim a few times and had successfully bit off big chunks out of the majority of the noodles(floaty thingys). They're only a $1.69 a piece, but it's disgusting to be using a noodle that someone has been chewing on. Eeeew!
Now if we had been close like Little Hart and I have been for the past 12 years this would seem like just a normal thing to have happen. Unfortunately we haven't been close even though Jax was only six when we created our blended family.
Jax is Greta's first born and they have always been extremely close. She hadn't been happy about Raylan and I dating and even less so about us moving in together. Greta had moments of anger/sadness about our relationship that often times were expressed in front of Jax.
The first week in our new home, Jax came racing down the stairs, lost his footing and slide down the last four steps. Major carpet burn! I raced over to him "Let me look at it - I'll get you all fixed up!" Jax looked up "My Mom says only her and my Dad can take care of me!" Then he ran off. Whether Greta actually said that or not was a mute point. Jax felt the pressure to keep me at arms length. I had to accept the reality of our relationship, even though it broke my heart.
For years we really didn't have a relationship beyond our family unit. We had our issues - mundane, run of the mill stuff. Yet they always turned into big deals and were exacerbated by my Hubby coming to the rescue of Jax which only furthered the distance between us.
Six years ago my relationship with Jax came to a crossroads. Jax was having some issues. Raylan, Jax and I sat down to have a talk about life. Raylan asked Jax what was going on with him, he replied "I hate my life and it's all Lisa's fault!" He was blaming me for all the wrongs in his life? Not totally surprising given that Greta always expressed her anger toward me, rarely Raylan regardless of the problem.
So now what? Raylan didn't take the bait and ask for a list of reasons, instead he did something I wish he had done some six years earlier. My Hubby said "son, you and Lisa are the two most important people in my life - the two people that love me more than anyone else. It's killing me that the two of you don't get along. Someday I won't be around and you're going to need each other." Silence blanketed the room. Raylan proceeded, I asking both of you to go see Brenda (the therapist) together for me.
On the way to pick Jax up for our therapy appointment Raylan called. Thanking me for going to see Brenda and apologizing for everything he had done to contribute to the problems in my relationship with Jax. Offering to make changes. It didn't change the current state of affairs, but it went a long way in starting anew.
Jax and I went to one and only one therapy session. Brenda acknowledged the close relationship between Jax and his Mom and that a relationship with me could never change their relationship. He was given permission to give me a chance. We TALKED through our issues which truly were stupid; wearing clean clothes, brushing his teeth - the way I asked him to do those particular things. It was our one and only session because we were both ready to let go of the barriers we had both created to keep of us from having a relationship.
Six years later, Jax is asking MY opinion on something very important to him - how I feel about a woman he's dating. Wow! It was not lost on me how far we have come. I chuckled, smiled, shared my thoughts about Sadie from what I had gleamed in our brief encounters. He kept smiling the entire time, agreeing with everything I was saying, which made me feel good! When I finished, Jax said "I'm glad you like her!"
Not only did he ask my opinion, he really cared about what I thought. What a great day that was for me as a Step-Mom! Life is Good!