Hello Dahlings!

Master Blender Lisa has been Blending Her ONE with His FIVE for 18 years.  With THREE Ex Spouses, THREE Step Parents and SIX kids we have lived, loved, cried and survived major Blending. 

A SECOND MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY JUST BECAUSE HE'S THE RIGHT ONE

A few months back I was drawn into Fawn Weaver talking about her book Happy Wives ClubI remember thinking at the time that a Happy Wife - Happy Marriage is universal no matter the number attached to the front of your marriage. 

When I hit my 15th anniversary last week I decided like any good wife to crack open this book to reaffirm just what a Happy Wife I am and the The Happy Marriage Raylan and I share. 

Hers-His-And-Ours - If-I-Should-Fall-Behind-Wait-For-Me

Every word and sentiment seemed to resonate with me until  I was struck hard by the words from a Husband in a happy, long term marriage -  a sentiment shared with the author:

If you marry the right person - marriage isn't work. 

My first thought was - is that really true?  Is Raylan the wrong person for me just because I see a lot of hard work when I look back at those fifteen years ? Then on the other hand - the comment does fall in line with my first marriage - it was a lot of work and didn't last as long as my commitment to purchase a new car.  

Suddenly I'm in full on panic mode trying to find a way this comment from a book can fit into my perception of my "Happy" marriage. Perhaps it's a sign that I should not be reading these kinds of books. Nah!

Then I skipped through the pages of the couples interviewed. None of them have SIX kids from three divorced families, THREE Ex Spouses and their respective partners to contend with in their marriage.  Then I flashbacked to a comment my Hubby made back in year number one - We get along perfectly as a couple - it's just when all the other players are present in our lives - conflict seems to follow.   

Raylan and I, like the majority of Second/Third Marriages have faced some tough challenges unique to second/third marriages and those specific to our unique family dynamics .  So to compare my reality of a long term successful marriage to others in a first marriage is always going to leave me questioning my reality.

My first instinct about marriage was correct - A Happy Marriage  is a Happy Marriage regardless of the number attached - 1, 2, or 3. The Hallmarks of a Happy Marriage are just different for the ones with a higher number attached to the front of them.   Easy belongs no where near a second marriage even if "he's is the right person."

When Raylan and I said "I do" we wanted "our" song to be one that was as unique as we were as a couple.  This wasn't love and commitment of two twenty year olds with their whole life ahead of them.  This was a union of two people who had loved and lost before - lived a lot of life before walking down the aisle for a repeat appearance. 

We landed on "If I Should Fall Behind" by Bruce Springstein.  The following lines spoke to both of us on so many levels: 

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true 
But you and I know what this world can do 
So let's make our steps clear that the other may see 
And I'll wait for you 
If I should fall behind 
Wait for me 

Happiness in our marriage has taken some work - ok a lot of work to figure out how to manage all the various players involved in our marriage.  We didn't have time to grow into these roles together. We went from couple to parents of six kids, coparent's with six other adults - three of which we were unable to make a marriage work. All mixed together to make our marital journey One Hell Of a Ride so far! 

A ride that I would gladly repeat again to be standing next to my Hubby. Through the years we have always kept our steps clear for the other to see.  Waited at different times for the other one to catch up.  I hope with a little luck we are able to do same for another fifteen years.  

 

What was your wedding song and why did you chose it? Love to hear in the comments below.

 

If you enjoyed this post check this one out:

What I Thought I Knew When I Agreed to Marry My Hubby 

 

If I Should Fall Behind - Lyrics by the Boss(Bruce Springstein)

We said we'd walk together baby come what may 
That come the twilight should we lose our way 
If as we're walking a hand should slip free 
I'll wait for you 
And should I fall behind 
Wait for me 

We swore we'd travel darlin' side by side 
We'd help each other stay in stride 
But each lover's steps fall so differently 
But I'll wait for you 
And if I should fall behind 
Wait for me 

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true 
But you and I know what this world can do 
So let's make our steps clear that the other may see 
And I'll wait for you 
If I should fall behind 
Wait for me 

Now there's a beautiful river in the valley ahead 
There 'neath the oak's bough soon we will be wed 
Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees 
I'll wait for you 
And should I fall behind 
Wait for me 
Darlin' I'll wait for you 
Should I fall behind 
Wait for me

 

SMALL TALK BETWEEN TWO STRANGERS - ALCOHOLIC DAD MISSED EVERYTHING

SMALL TALK BETWEEN TWO STRANGERS - ALCOHOLIC DAD MISSED EVERYTHING

ARE YOU A MOM IF YOU DON'T SEE YOUR KIDS ON MOTHER'S DAY?