A few months back I was drawn into Fawn Weaver talking about her book Happy Wives Club. I remember thinking at the time that a Happy Wife - Happy Marriage is universal no matter the number attached to the front of your marriage.
When I hit my 15th anniversary last week I decided like any good wife to crack open this book to reaffirm just what a Happy Wife I am and the The Happy Marriage Raylan and I share.
Hers-His-And-Ours - If-I-Should-Fall-Behind-Wait-For-Me
Every word and sentiment seemed to resonate with me until I was struck hard by the words from a Husband in a happy, long term marriage - a sentiment shared with the author:
If you marry the right person - marriage isn't work.
My first thought was - is that really true? Is Raylan the wrong person for me just because I see a lot of hard work when I look back at those fifteen years ? Then on the other hand - the comment does fall in line with my first marriage - it was a lot of work and didn't last as long as my commitment to purchase a new car.
Suddenly I'm in full on panic mode trying to find a way this comment from a book can fit into my perception of my "Happy" marriage. Perhaps it's a sign that I should not be reading these kinds of books. Nah!
Then I skipped through the pages of the couples interviewed. None of them have SIX kids from three divorced families, THREE Ex Spouses and their respective partners to contend with in their marriage. Then I flashbacked to a comment my Hubby made back in year number one - We get along perfectly as a couple - it's just when all the other players are present in our lives - conflict seems to follow.
Raylan and I, like the majority of Second/Third Marriages have faced some tough challenges unique to second/third marriages and those specific to our unique family dynamics . So to compare my reality of a long term successful marriage to others in a first marriage is always going to leave me questioning my reality.
My first instinct about marriage was correct - A Happy Marriage is a Happy Marriage regardless of the number attached - 1, 2, or 3. The Hallmarks of a Happy Marriage are just different for the ones with a higher number attached to the front of them. Easy belongs no where near a second marriage even if "he's is the right person."
When Raylan and I said "I do" we wanted "our" song to be one that was as unique as we were as a couple. This wasn't love and commitment of two twenty year olds with their whole life ahead of them. This was a union of two people who had loved and lost before - lived a lot of life before walking down the aisle for a repeat appearance.
We landed on "If I Should Fall Behind" by Bruce Springstein. The following lines spoke to both of us on so many levels:
Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do
So let's make our steps clear that the other may see
And I'll wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me
Happiness in our marriage has taken some work - ok a lot of work to figure out how to manage all the various players involved in our marriage. We didn't have time to grow into these roles together. We went from couple to parents of six kids, coparent's with six other adults - three of which we were unable to make a marriage work. All mixed together to make our marital journey One Hell Of a Ride so far!
A ride that I would gladly repeat again to be standing next to my Hubby. Through the years we have always kept our steps clear for the other to see. Waited at different times for the other one to catch up. I hope with a little luck we are able to do same for another fifteen years.
What was your wedding song and why did you chose it? Love to hear in the comments below.
If you enjoyed this post check this one out:
What I Thought I Knew When I Agreed to Marry My Hubby
If I Should Fall Behind - Lyrics by the Boss(Bruce Springstein)
That come the twilight should we lose our way
If as we're walking a hand should slip free
I'll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me
We swore we'd travel darlin' side by side
We'd help each other stay in stride
But each lover's steps fall so differently
But I'll wait for you
And if I should fall behind
Wait for me
Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do
So let's make our steps clear that the other may see
And I'll wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me
Now there's a beautiful river in the valley ahead
There 'neath the oak's bough soon we will be wed
Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees
I'll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me
Darlin' I'll wait for you
Should I fall behind
Wait for me
