My third Mother's Day, my Ex Husband Dick was living with his girlfriend(now former wife) who he had bestowed upon her the title of MOM to our daughter. I had unceremoniously been demoted to the Lisa (The Pesky Bio Mom he tolerated thanks to the legal system). That particular Mother Day's fell on my Ex Husband's weekend. Which made me all the more adamant that I would get MY time with My daughter on that one Sunday in May if it killed me.
I was laser focused on proving to myself - to my Ex Husband - to his Wife and anyone that would listen really that I was in fact THE MOM. What better way to do that than on the one day designed specifically for Mom's - Mother's Day! Showcase my Momness while the world is watching.
The funny part is that my friends with kids in a traditional first marriage would give their left arm to get a day away from their kids to have a little ME time. Consider it a nice thank you - you're an amazing Mother - if say the ole Hubby took care of the kids on that particular Sunday.
I've been reflecting on my Mother's Day need for seeing my kid on the day of because for the first time in 20 years, I will actually not be spending any part of the day with my daughter Elle. She is away at College, finishing finals and then moving into a new apartment while I'm at home preparing for 2,500 fourth graders to descend on an event I'm running!
Seventeen years ago I considered not seeing my daughter on Mother's Day as an indictment on my Mom status. Seeing Elle - I'm the Mom! Not seeing her - The Lisa. Today I don't tie my role as a Mom to Mother's Day. I'm Elle's Mom everyday of the week - every hour of the day no matter how many of them I spend with her. As the years continue to fly by, I will be spending less and less time with her. It's the nature of the beast when your kids grow up and get their own damn life.
So this Mother's Day, I want to wish all the Mom's and StepMom's out there a very special Happy Mother's Day. You are still a Mom whether or not you spend this Sunday with your kids. Being a Mom is more than one Sunday in the month of May. More than if you are recognized as The Mom or a Mom(StepMom) on that particular day. Being a Mom is about the other 364 days of the year YOU spend raising good, strong, independent kids. That's your recognition as a Mother - that's your THANK YOU for being a good Mother - That's your Mother's Day!
My other thoughts on Mother's Day as a Mom in a Blended Family (Mom and StepMom):