All in Emotional Baggage

THE BLENDER NEVER STOPS RUNNING

THE BLENDER NEVER STOPS RUNNING

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Life as a Step-Mom, Step-kids, Step-parenting

I assumed that by the time I was entering into my 15th year of blended family bliss that our issues would be behind us  -  we would surely be fully blended by then.  Boy was I wrong!  THE BLENDER NEVER STOPS BLENDING! No matter how long you've been together! No matter how many storms you've weathered landing on the other side safely - there's always a new challenge waiting around the corner.

Some expected - some unexpected - some a complete blindside.

THE BLENDER NEVER STOPS

Our family life has faced major changes over the past two years.  Two kids off to College - EXPECTED. Figuring out who I am AGAIN as an almost empty nester - UNEXPECTED. My  lack of a relationship with my youngest Step Daughter - BLINDSIDE. 

A SECOND MARRIAGE ISN'T EASY JUST BECAUSE HE'S THE RIGHT ONE

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Marriage , Marriage A Second Time Around

A few months back I was drawn into Fawn Weaver talking about her book Happy Wives Club. I remember thinking at the time that a Happy Wife - Happy Marriage is universal no matter the number attached to the front of your marriage. 

When I hit my 15th anniversary last week I decided like any good wife to crack open this book to reaffirm just what a Happy Wife I am and the The Happy Marriage Raylan and I share. 

Every word and sentiment seemed to resonate with me until  I was struck hard by the words from a Husband in a happy, long term marriage -  a sentiment shared with the author:

If you marry the right person - marriage isn't work. 

LOVE WITHOUT A GUARANTEE

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Blended Family Holidays, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Holidays, Loss, Marriage

Nineteen years ago I remember sitting next to my brother Jasper's bed as he lay in the ICU.  The snow was softly falling without making a sound - it was deafening silent and yet peaceful and comforting at the same time. Inside the sound of his breathing machine hissed as it pumped up and down - the only thing keeping him alive. Three weeks earlier my brother walked into the emergency room complaining he couldn't breath.  He would die TWICE on the table that day.  Little did we know then that his life was spared only temporarily.

What do you say to your brother knowing it will be the last words he'll ever hear from you?

WE STILL HAVE ISSUES IN OUR BLENDED FAMILY AND THAT'S A GOOD THING!

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Blended Family Health Issues, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Kid's illness, Life as a Step-Mom

This month marks the 2nd anniversary of Little Hart's brush with death. We sat by her bedside watching the respirator take her every breath - wondering if she would ever tell another funny story that made us laugh uncontrollably, inform us she was not going to do this, that or the other (she's so damn stubborn!) or be able to say "I Love You Mom and Dad."

Little Hart and her BFF from the hospital

Greta, Raylan and I sat in a small ICU room for NINE days and nights - all unified in praying for a miracle. One arrived on day six when she the turned a corner.  A lot of things in our Blended Family Life were forever changed after those nine days.

THE WEDDING RING - A SYMBOL OF FAILURE OR LOVE?

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Ex-Spouses

When I divorced Dick, 17 years ago this month, I shared my plans to give my wedding ring to our daughter Elle when she turned 18.  Dick responded in a sarcastic, bitter, angry tone "Sounds like a great idea!  Elle here's a symbol of your parents FAILED marriage!!" I responded "No, here's a symbol that your Dad and I loved each other once!" 

Dick and I never discussed the ring again. Many years ago I shared with Elle my intentions to give her the ring. I don't remember the exact conversation other than we both knew that the ring belonged to her and that Grandma(my Mom) was keeping it in a safe until she turned 18.

ROAD TRIP WITH THE EX WIFE - PART 3

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Emotional Baggage, Ex-Spouses, Life as a Step-Mom

We had survived something together.  It had bonded us as a group or so I thought.  Turns out it was a temporary situation. Temporary for our youngest Little Hart.

When Raylan, me, Jax and Greta had travelled twice before Jax had handled the situation so well, it never crossed my mind that this might be a problem for Little Hart.  I didn't factor in that she was four years younger and had never been with both parents for longer than an hour her whole life.  Add to that the dynamic of Jax leaving, a relatively new relationship with her Mom and having her Mom all to herself without Greta's three younger kids.  It was a perfect storm. A storm that I never saw coming nor did I realize the above factors as the reason for the storm until later.

It started out subtle, Little Hart responding with an edge and occasional biting comment directed mostly at Elle, occasionally me.  As the comments grew in frequency everything in my body wanted to say to Little Hart STOP IT!  Had it been just our family - I would have in a heartbeat.  Yet with Greta there I felt restrained.  Neither Raylan or Greta said a word.  And I felt like my mouth was wired shut.

Later I expressed my concerns to Raylan.  He downplayed it, attributed it to the girls "normal" dynamic - it would pass.  Which made me feel even more restrained from saying something. We were all gathered there for Jax - I didn't want to be seen as the one ruining the trip for defending my daughter that no one else thought needed defending.  So I kept it shut and felt like the worlds worst mother in doing so.

 

THE TWO TEAMS! ROAD TRIP WITH THE EX WIFE - PART 1

Lisa Hartman
Blended Families, Dealing with the Ex- Wife, Divorce, Emotional Baggage, Ex-Spouses, Life as a Step-Mom

Last week I went on a road trip with on one of my Hubby's ex wives. Yes, you heard me right a road trip with Greta - Ex Wife #2.

You're probably thinking the same thing my friends did when I shared my upcoming plans - O - M - G! What are you thinking? 

Um - it isn't a girls getaway - rather a trip designed to squeeze every last second in with Jax before we drop him off at College.  OHHH - that should be interesting! 

It was always a given that both Greta and I were going on this trip! 

Raylan and I have been a parental team when it comes to raising our blended family - physically, emotionally and financially for the past twelve years. Even now with Jax entering College our partnership continues.  Raylan and I are working together to provide financial support for Jax's education, as well as, support him emotionally through all the changes coming his way and is willing to share. Hopefully a lot! Probably wishful thinking on our part!

On the other side of the coin is Greta - his mother. She's never missed a big moment in Jax's life. This moment was no exception. Sal's participation in the road trip was never discussed as a possibility. Greta was the parent who handled the majority of parenting of Jax in her home. 

 

Load More