Tick Tock
Little Hart came into this world three months after Raylan and Greta had separated. Raylan and I started dating the following Spring. When we began dating, we had been best friends for five years and decided to see where it went.
Raylan was convinced that if he had let Bitty determine when she was ready for him to move on after their divorce, life would have turned out better for all involved.
Now in the midst of a divorce with Greta and dating me, Raylan willingly let Greta steer the direction of his life to a point; the pace of the divorce and the timeline for the kids to be involved in his new life. Mostly that was in reference to me spending time with the kids. So started the undefined "when Greta's ready;" days turned into weeks, weeks into months and then came the year mark.
Greta was dating and the kids had contact with the men she dated. Yet two years after their separation, Little Hart just shy of turning two and I had still not met her. We watched video nightly that Raylan had taken of Little Hart and listened as he shared stories which made me only long more to have her in our life. With every day that passed there was a hole that continued to grow in our relationship, Raylan was a part of every aspect of my life and yet I was missing from a huge part of his.
As we approached the year mark, I was increasingly resentful and angry about the situation. My relationship with Raylan had progressed to the next level. We were making plans for the future, yet Jax and Little Hart were not apart of our present situation. How do we move forward when they're missing? I made the hardest decision of my life twelve years ago when I said to Raylan:
I'm done. I can't do this anymore. This isn't a threat or an ultimatium, but a statement. I'm giving you your freedom. You and Greta separated two years ago. Jax and Little Hart are only apart of your life if I'm not around. I need you more than that and your kids need more than that! You're waiting for permission and I don't think quite frankly you'll ever get it. And selfishly, I want more for me, for Elle. I want to build a life with someone, not be a part time girlfriend dreaming of a future that may never come.
Raylan asked me to stay, he was ready to start our life together with all of our kids and would tell Greta he was moving on. Two months later we were living together with our kids and married a year later. Greta became engaged and married four months later.
My emotions still are mixed about how our life finally started. Some days I wish that the kids had been involved in our life earlier and other days thankful that we had that year to really cement our relationship with a lot of couple time. It's held us together during the really tough times. As for Greta, the dynamics of this situation between us continued until March of this past year.