All tagged Child Abuse in Blended Families
When I divorced my Ex Husband 20 years ago, he threatened to make sure our daughter knew who "I really was." Not surprising his view wasn't particularly flattering. Several months later he jumped into a relationship with his now former Wife and Elle's former Step Mom, Malus. In short order, Malus self appointed herself the enforcer of my Ex Husband's promise and took over 99% of his parenting duties. Which by default meant I was co-parenting with a narcissist that was not my Ex.
Co Parenting With A Narcissist That Is Not Your Ex
I didn't immediately see that Malus was a narcissist. Initially she seduced me into thinking she was my friend, greatest ally - bringing me into her inner circle. The circle that the outside world never sees because otherwise they would be total outcasts. The circle that becomes a nightmare once you're inside.
"She turned the lights off - we were in complete darkness." Michele(Dance Instructor) said "close your eyes - relax your body - go to your happiest memory." "It probably sounds corny, but my mind immediately went to the day I saw you walk out the doors of the airport."
Elle didn't have to say another word - I knew exactly what she was talking about and I my eyes filled with tears. The scene from an airport
Last week Dylan Farrow set off a fire storm when she penned an open letter about the abuse she suffered at the hands of Woody Allen. Woody responded with a letter of his own defending himself. Dylan responded with her response to his response. The he said/she said brought back memories of my daughter's journey five years ago after suffering emotional and physical abuse in her Dad's home. Although, not played out in the court of public opinion - who you believe becomes an issue in any accusation of abuse. You can read about Elle's by clicking here.
HATE ALLOW REVICTIMIZATION - HERS, HIS AND OURS
Children of divorced parents - perhaps living in one or two blended families have yet another layer of complication to navigate if abuse is suspected.
FOR BACKGROUND PLEASE READ "WHEN THE DOOR CLOSES FOR THE LAST TIME"
My daughter Elle is now a Senior in High School - busy filling out College applications - dreaming about the next phase of her life. Last week Elle's high school emailed a picture of Elle in her graduation gown. Turns out the school emailed the picture to my Ex - Elle's Father. It prompted Dick to leave me a very long winded message. In a nutshell he said;
- "WE did a good job of raising her - even though he hasn't seen her or talked for over two years
- He believes that Elle hasn't been involved in his life for two years because of what went on between Elle and Malus. Elle just used him as a gateway to get out of his home - that's ok though that's what he's there for
Before last week I had never heard of Me Ra Koh. I know, I know - I live in a box. Elle's camera on top of Me Ra Koh's BookHer name was not even on my radar screen. Flash forward to today. I'm lovin her! big time! For those of you like me, who have no idea who I'm talkin about - she is a famous photographer, motivational speaker now appearing on the Nate Berkas show, appeared on Oprah.
None of the above has anything to do with why she has made such a huge impression on me. Me Ra has lived through some unbelievably hard times; date rape, miscarriage, almost near death of another child. And yet, there she was standing on a stage with a huge smile on her face. A number of times during her speech I wanted to let out a huge wail -350 people surrounding me - so I sucked it up. While her story is extremely moving, it was the very real and deep connection I felt with her that got to me. Judging from the crowd there were many people who felt the same connection.
The loss Me Ra felt after miscarrying her son, the fear a few years later when her daughter almost died from an infection they both picked up in their travels. Wanting to scream enough is enough already! How many times had I said those very same words. In an instant, my feelings from my own experiences; almost losing Little Hart from freak infection a year ago, Elle's scoliosis surgery two years ago - one mis-step she could have been paralyzed or worst dead on the operating table, my brother's death from a extremely rare form of cancer. As much as I tried to contain my emotions, the tears were rolling down my checks like a river. I realized I didn't care!