HOW MANY YEARS DOES IT TAKE FOR A 2ND HUSBAND, 3RD WIFE TO BECOME JUST HUSBAND AND WIFE?
Seventeen years ago my Hubby and I said I do before an intimate group of family and friends. Exactly one year to the date from when we started blending our families. Our nuptials made our relationship officially legit – I was his Wife and he my Hubby.
However, to the everyone else I officially became Raylan's 3rd Wife and he my 2nd Husband. You might not have realized that society has an unwritten rule, if you’ve ever been married before your Spouse comes with a chronological distinction.
Which got me wondering, will there ever come a day when Raylan is just my Husband and me his Wife? Or will our marriage forever be viewed as less than ideal because it didn't come first?
At some point I set my sights on this anniversary - our 17th as a true milestone. Our marriage officially surpasses my Hubby’s first and longest marriage.
I was convinced that this year would prove that Raylan and I are marriage material. We do commit, we do stick. The opposite of what the subtext of a number 3 and 2 imply.
Then life surprised me when I was least expecting it. A few weeks ago, my oldest son said "Lisa, thank you for loving Dad. There's never been any question about how deeply you love him. Dad changed when he met you. He became a more open person and that really made a difference in my life."
At that moment I realized something that I hadn't allowed myself to entertain earlier because I was fixated on proving our marriage could be as worthy of a ONE.
In reality Raylan and I each had a journey to travel before we found each other. Before our love story could happen we had to marry others, have children with others.
Our life and our family wouldn't have the makeup or chemistry had we not had three previous marriages. We wouldn't be the Husband and Wife we are now.
The numbering of marriages implies that one is better than another. With number ONE clearly being the ideal number to snag. When in truth they simply had to happen in that order to get to this moment on this day of our 17th year of marriage for number 3 and 2 respectively.
It may seem like I'm promoting multiple marriages as the way to go. I'm not. What I am saying is that for some us the marriage journey isn't a one stop shop.
Even if we could both go back in time - we'd do it all over again to get here - to this moment. Because that's the only way we could get here.
Blake Lively a 2nd Wife nailed it with her comment about her own Hubby "I knew he would always be my best friend for my whole life. I'd never known anything like the friendship that I had with him. I could like him as much as I loved him."
I always knew Raylan would be my best friend, I just didn't meet him until 18 years after his first wedding day. There was simply no competition to be had with any Ex for a better position. Just life, timing and a little luck.
It's our 17th anniversary today and I still woke up a 3rd Wife and he a 2nd Hubby. The number 17 didn't change anything except now I'm rocking the number THREE! Three is the only one I would have chosen even if I had my pick!
Let's chat. What about your marriage? Ever feel that the order you came into your Spouses life overshadows everything positive about your marriage? Divorced Folks – ever feel like we get unfairly tagged with unflattering traits because we decided to divorce?