Thanks to HBO, Big Love has become synonomous with Utah. One husband, three wives(one legal, two spiritual), separate households and a bunch of kids all brought together by one person - THE MAN! Change the"Spiritual" with "Ex" - you've got Big Love - Blended style!
I've watched the show for a couple of seasons now and laughed at; the grab for power between the "wives", jealously, the subtle pulls for Bill's (the husband) attention and him stuck smack dab in the middle. Sound familiar? I never really made a connection or started to compare my life with the fictional one on Big Love until Raylan, Jax and I jumped on a plane to Arizona with Greta back in September.
The three of us toured ASU with Jax, visiting the Walter Cronkite School of Journalism - Awesome by the way! At one point our tour guide asked a Department Director to give us a brief overview. She had long grown tired of introducing ...... Jax from Utah. his Mom Greta, Dad Raylan and Step-Mom Lisa. Instead she simply said "this is Jax and his family from Utah!" The Director stumbled over his words for a minute or two, starring back and forth at the three of us; my Hubby placed firmly inbetween me and Greta.
Utah -- Two Mom's -- One slightly older Dad.
I'm open-minded, cool with the whole thing!
The sister wives are bringing their boy to College. Yeah!!
Last week the three of us traveled back to Arizona with Jax for Freshman Orientation. My Hubby resumed his position of in the middle, right from the get-go. Raylan asked me to give him directions off my phone because the car GPS couldn't locate our Hotel. In the middle of rattling off directions, Greta interjects with directions of her very own. Slightly different route, of course.
The subtle battle between the two of us ensues. Who will Raylan chose? Raylan stops deferring to me and confirms directions with Greta. I'm thinking EXCUSE ME! I snap, throw my phone down - shot my Hubby a look of don't do this again - Me Raylan, don't want to offend the Ex, but you, my wife, who loves me, well that's just A OK! Clearly this has happened a few hundred times over the past twelve years.
Cumulative effect people - Cumulative!
Luckily(for him) he snaped out of it rather quickly, takes his dear wife's directions. Big Love comparison pops back into my mind. Let me clarify, my Hubby doesn't consider Ex 1 and/or Ex 2 his "spiritual" wives. What we do share is wife in our titles. They are his Ex-Wives and I am his Wife. The three of us are connected because of Raylan. Our mutual children - Raylan. And even though the Exes divorced him - from time to time, indirectly and directly, certain scenarios pop-up a lot like the way a Big Love episode unfolds -- ending with "Who will Raylan pick?"
I used to blame the Ex Wife; sulk, stew about the entire situation for days. Now, I can put it in perspective. Ultimately my Hubby deferred to me. It may seem minor, but to me it was indicative of how far we have come as a couple. My feelings were more important than his Ex. A good day!
If I were watching the same situation unfold in an episode of Big Love - I would definately laugh my ass off. And luckily I can laugh as I write about it now! What I've realized is that some, not all of my feelings over the years towards Greta had more to do with my Hubby not giving me deference as his wife. When he didn't, I turned what many times could have been a humorous situation into war. A battle with the wrong person. I needed to know that my Hubby was in my corner, big or small. Knowing I had that let me tear down my walls and start a new relationship with Greta.
The three of us went on two College trips with "our" son Jax. 'THE THREE OF US!" If you had told me that this very scenario was in my future 12 years ago, I probably would have said over my DEAD BODY! For a number of years, Greta and I barely spoke to one another, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. Now..........
Other than some ever so subtle tugs, I actually enjoyed spending the total six days we spent together and more importantly, Jax was able to enjoy this next step in his life without having to chose between Mom or Dad. BIG LOVE - BLENDED STYLE.