Every New Years Day I make a resolution; THIS is THE YEAR I'm going to lose my extra 10 pounds! Only to find myself every New Years Eve still holding out hope that those ten pounds will magically disappear at the stroke of midnight! Then there's my 7 resolutions I make as a Wife, Mom and StepMom that bears repeating year after year. Following them religiously makes my life as a Blended Wife and Mama a much happier one.
1. Give your StepKids a break when they screw up from time to time. Giving a kid a break doesn't stop the world from turning. Nor does it leave your Kid/StepKid's chance of being a good human being hanging in the balance. So cut your kid some slack every once in a while and watch it go a long way in building a positive relationship your StepKids.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff! A dirty plate - shirt on the floor - backpack on the kitchen table? Say after me - "The small stuff is not worth fighting World War III!" Save your energy for the big things!
3. Acknowledge hurt as it happens from your StepKids or your Hubby. Taking one for the team in order to keep things running smoothly is a dangerous trap. The problem? When you bury your hurt feelings they tend to build up over time and then you explode over the toothpaste cap not being on properly. Instead say to the other person; "That hurt my feelings, I need a little time to recover." It puts all of the power to move on in your court, but lets the other person know that their words or actions hurt you.
4. Don't be the Family FIX IT QUEEN. You can't fix every problem for every person in your family especially ones that you had no hand in creating! As the Fix It Queen you will only end up mentally exhausted with little results. Accept the things you cannot change. Make an effort to give support and only give guidance when invited into the struggle knowing that you and you alone can't save the day. It takes a village and you are only one member of that village.
5. Don't hold a grudge against Your StepKids. Grudges are the framework for permanent distance in a relationship. Keep the door open to your heart with StepKids, regardless of their behavior. Someday down the line, their armour will drop and want into your life. If you're too busy holding a grudge you'll miss one of life's greatest moments - the start of or rekindling of a new relationship.
6. Share a positive thought or trait with your Hubby and Kids/StepKids EVERYDAY. To often we get stuck on all the things someone in our life is doing wrong! When someone only hears the negative they are far more likely to stop their positive behavior because they can never win with you. Even if it is a small thing, take every opportunity to acknowledge the nice, thoughtful things someone is doing. You may be surprised by what big problems seem to turn around as a result.
7. Say NO when a "request" doesn't work for YOU! As a Mom of a Blended Family, we unnecessarily feel as though we have to always say YES to everything when others say NO! When you reserve a YES for things that you feel good about doing, you will feel happier doing them regardless of who acknowledges your gift of time.
What resolutions did you make this year? Meaningless or do they carry some serious weight? Any repeat performances?