Writing my blog has never been a secret, but it wasn't something that I felt I needed to broadcast five years ago to the THREE EX WIVES in my life. Nor did I want or need to get their permission. No, my Hubby didn't pick up another Ex Wife; my Ex Husband did which brings a total of THREE onto the scene.
I always viewed this space, as mine and only mine. A vehicle to explore out in the open my feelings from old and new challenges. Along they way, sharing my insights and opinions I've gleamed from living my life as a Wife, Mom and StepMom in a Blended Family.
My Hubby's TWO Ex Wives and my Ex Husband's NOW Ex Wife all stumbled upon my blog at different times. All three have "requested" a level of censorship. "DON'T READ MY BLOG" seems like the simplest way to resolve their issues. However, it doesn't seem to be an option they have been willing to follow.
Even though I have said to myself a million times, not one of them has any right to dictate a damn thing about what I write, I have welcomed all three into my mind. Opening the doorway for me to second-guess every word I write, subconsciously hoping they won't complain about me to my Hubby and/or to me directly.
I've written hundreds of blogs, only to censor myself to the point of, I don't want to share the story anymore. I'm so bored with the censored content - I think you will be as well. Other times, I just hit publish and then wish I could take back my snarky commentary. Snarky sneaks in because I'm mad at myself for internally letting them dictate what I write about my life and decide to just let the unvarnished truth rip!
On any given day, all three can and have intersected into my life either directly or indirectly. On any given day I've chosen to let one or all dictate the life I am living. Putting my own needs, wants, desires second to theirs which often times means I'm fourth on my own list.
I don't call, email or text them when they don't do as I wish or they don't take my feelings into consideration. Nor do I demand that My Hubby do something about it. I write about it here, my space. A space they have chosen to seek out. A space, I have chosen not to use their real names because it was never about them! It has always been about me, here in my space.
So I'm making a commitment to myself to continue sharing my journey from my perspective without censorship either real or imagined. I'm hoping by writing it down here I'll give myself permission to just be me.
The threesome never thought that someday I would be writing about my Blended Family Journey on a Blog. I never thought I would be putting myself out there. If they had known, if I had known, we all would have probably behaved better. As I assume is the case with most people.
No one is perfect; no one can go back in time. We can only move forward and hopefully learn a thing or two from our mistakes, our misgivings. Perhaps I haven't made a lot of decisions with huge ripples for others to deal with because they happened to me. There is no way to really know what came first the chicken or the egg.
So here's to the start of an uncensored journey from this day forward. I hope you will join me for the ride...
BLENDED, NOT STIRRED!