Ever notice that whenever someone either writes or talks about divorce there is always those vocal group of perfectionists letting all of us who are divorced know that we are, well, quitters? Opining that we divorcees like to take the easy way out in life, while they meanwhile do all the hard work by staying married.
1. Seeing your kid half time, a third of the time, every other weekend. How is that easy? It sucks beyond measure that whatever time you get with your kid after a divorce is far less than if you just stayed married.
2. Co-parenting with a person that you couldn't stay married too. Except now you're navigating two different households - different family makeup - different takes on life. It can all be so emotionally soul crushing that I can't begin to put it into words.
3. Groveling, begging your Ex to financially contribute to your child's expenses. For some reason when you divorced your Ex, he/she decided that financially supporting their child was an option not a requirement.
4. Every decision, action you take in Motherhood, constantly critiqued and/or judged by your Ex and/or his new Spouse. Forget about the secrets they are keeping and the truly damaging behavior they may be exhibiting to your Daughter behind closed doors. None of that matters because attacking you allows them to avoid the cold hard truth about their own failings. Still hurts though.
5. Sharing your child with another woman who is nothing like you. Whether your child's StepMom is a good egg or bordering on narcissism it still hurts that someone else is rocking your child to sleep, kissing their boo boo's...... Even the best of us feel tinges of jealousy. You may harness it and realize when someone is a positive force in your child's life and is another Mother to your child in many cases. It's just not that easy.
Knowing what I know now about divorce, I would do it all over again. All the hard work in the world is a waste of time if the two of you are not connected on a deep emotional level, you don't share the same philosophy for living your life and are not each other's biggest fans.
Getting a divorce is one of the hardest decisions you will ever make, but you and your Ex are the ones that have to live with your choice to be married or divorced not the peanut gallery. I appreciate outsiders thinking they know what's best for my kids and me. Putting their two cents in about my marriage that ended in divorce because they know everything about every marriage simply because they're married.
Divorce doesn't make your life easier - it makes life harder. It takes incredible courage and strength to divorce a Spouse especially when you share children no matter their age. To those of us who chose to divorce, we know that all the hard work which inevitably follows, is worth it to build a new life that brings out the best us.
When we are our best selves, we are the best parents we can be to our kids. Our commitment to keep a ring on our left finger has little to do with making a person the best at anything.